October 16, 2011

The "Genius" and the iPhone 4s

     If I were a reader of tech blogs, which I am not (I am open to suggestions but if the link isn't amuzing, I am leaving an obscene photo taken with my new iCamera in the comments section.), I would expect to find a post or two about the new iPhone that was released this weekend. With that written, instead of simply searching for reviews of Apple's new pocket rocket, I've decided to buy one and write my own.
     To do this required a few sacrifices on my part. I had to get sick and leave work early on Friday to go stand in line at the Apple store down the street. On top of getting sick, I took a pay cut (unless I use a sick day). Next, the "Genius" (that's what they call people who work at Apple stores) coaxed me into paying the full amount of our phone bill before I was eligible to activate my new phone. Before I could buy my new phone I had to pay a past-due amount of $217 on our bill. Whatever, I would have had to pay it as soon as my phone got shut off anyways. I was all squared away to buy my new phone and the "Genius" told me it's going to cost $650 because I am not eligible for an upgrade. He said the reason for this is because I never pay my bill on time. At this point the "Genius" expected me to leave the store without a new phone.
     That was not an option, and I quickly realized that the "Genius" was trained on protocol. He had no idea that I have been trained for the last ten years by my fave on how to find the loop holes in protocol. So I promptly asked him to cancel my current phone service and sign me up with the competitor's. The "Genius'" next hour was spent at my side working as my secretary, providing me with phone numbers and pens. By the end of the hour we were friends, I had a new phone, and I learned that he was a retired probation officer who now works at Apple for fun. I made my secretary feel comfortable by telling him that I was on probation (I am not really on probation).  
Review starts here:
     Now that I've had the phone for a couple of days I feel that I can objectively review it. The phone I replaced was an older-model iPhone, which I originally purchased because I hate talking on the phone, but love music, being connected, and having quick access to a camera.
     The best thing about the new device is that the camera is pretty bad ass, and will greatly improve the photos on this blog. You're welcome, and you'll be glad to know that the "Intelligent Keyboard" remains as stupid as ever. For example, if you want to ask a friend, "did you like it?" You will actually ask them, "did you lick it?"
     There is one new feature, however, that will make many users very happy. The new iPhone comes equipped with a girlfriend named Siri. The phone was obviously designed by a very lonely engineer who needed one more feature to go along with his "Vibrate Massager" app.
Weird app (Photo: PandP)
And without going to techie on you, from my understanding the new iPhone has two processors so loners will be able to run a multitude of disgusting applications with optimized efficiency.
     How does this pertain to cyclists. It should in keep us safer on the roads because Siri is an order taker, and can send texts by simply asking her to text "blah, blah, fucking blah to whoever." And it also appears that there are more ride-tracking apps available than the last time I visited the App Store.
     So from here on out this blog will have better photos of bikes, flowers and animals, but I would like to leave you with the last photo ever taken with my older-model iCamera. I wanted to make it a good one.
Jak being romantic on my fave's leg. (Photo: PandP)

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